wat a feeling

I tried to think.
just sit down for a while.
took a deep breath and let it out.
i tried to understand
the fact why things happened.

was it my fault?
was it my responsible?
am i the one who shud mend it?
wat is this anyway?

those questions came to my mind
coz i taste like some unfair things happened
i know problems are there and they had a name
just like a package of problems with one pattern for each case

but i dont seem to recognize this pattern
i dont see any name i know in the package that can help me to solve it

i feel confused by myself
i tried to search,
through the sites in my mind,
through the articles in my head,
through the catalogues in my heart,
i even try to connect myself with other
searching for a name

but i couldn't find it
i felt exhausted
i feel i was out of breath
i feel i can't move on
i feel i wanna shout
i feel i wanna run
i feel i wanna hide
i feel i wanna dissapear
i feel hatred
i cant control my mind
i cant even slow my own heart beat....
i cant stop the tears falls down to my cheecks...
i cant...
i can't...
AArRRrRrgGghHhhh.............!!!!

i decided somehow
i forced myself in anyway
i took water and rinse myself by taking an ablution
i felt better, just a bit calming down thing
then i offer my prayer,after that
i took The Qur'an and read each of the ayat carefully...
i read it, and i cried...

i feel i've missed something
i feel i've lost something
i feel like i wanna get it back.
feel calm and gentle...
its just undescribable...

i saw the clock struk 3am...and i felt tired
so i decided to go to sleep before i start my day tomorrow
i slept.....

i woke up, a bit late
and when i wake its all vanished.
all confusing things dissapeared
and i'm all fit and my mind is clear
as clear as the sky today after the rains
the sun shines so brightly this morning
making myself feels warm
and feels so thankful for everything that Allah has given to me

and today...
i know what i've missed all this time
i know what is so less in me
i know why i feel so empty inside
so hollow

and by knowing why and what and also how,
i hope i can be a better me